среда, 4 июня 2008 г.

Friends keep sending this))

Doodly-Pup! by Carrie Nisly

What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel with a poodle and a rooster?

A cock-a-poodle-doo! Carrie Nisly, 8 San Diego, California

What's the scariest thing at a beach picnic?

A sandwich (sand witch) Lea Wehnau Merchantville, New Jersey

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who (liddle-oh-lay-dee-hoo)?

I didn't know you could yodel! Kailey McGinnis, 8 Arlington, Texas

How do flowers kiss?

With two lips (tulips)! Maggie Lavictoire Michigan

What kind of fish has two knees?

A two-knee (tuna) fish! Adam Nowak Brownstown, Michigan

Cracky the Clown, by Alex Robertson

What did the egg say to the clown? You crack me up! Alex Robertson, 6 Georgia

Math Moniker, by Lexi Katz

What did one tree say to the other?

Geometry (Gee, I'm a tree)! Lexi Katz Port Washington, New York

Out-standing! art by Katie Curran, 7

What do baseball players do when they get hot?

They stand by their fans! Andrew Forsberg, 7 Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Net Benefit, by Renee Murray

What place loves tennis the most?

Tennessee! Renee Murray Merrimack, New Hampshire

What do you call a seagull flying over a bay?

A bay-gull (bagel)!

Few more of knock knock

Man: I rode a hippo to work yesterday.

Woman: Surely you can't be serious!

Man: I am serious, and please don't call me Shirley. Rebecca Raub, Maryland

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"A little boy who can't reach the doorbell!" Danielle Varieur, Maine

Supervillain: Is the water cold enough for you?

Superhero: It depends. Did you hold it right next to your heart?

Dunkey tales

EVER SINCE HUBBY RICK AND I bought Mac, a Miniature Mediterranean Donkey, the puns have been flying. As you know, another (entirely proper) name for a donkey is also slang for the human body part that parks on a chair. So, to put it delicately, Mac has become the butt of a lot of jokes.

And, since he's particularly fond of Rick (a male bonding thing), Rick's the butt of jokes, too. It started with a phone call from a friend. "Hey, I hear Rick's got a great a**!" Followed by spasms of laughter. Then it turned into a game of pin the pun on the donkey. When our aged Mini mare, Charmin, gets tired of Mac's efforts to play, she'll turn tail and raise a hind leg. Which prompts me to warn Rick, "Charmie's gonna kick your a**."

When my vet, Buff Hildreth, DVM, comes by for barn calls, she'll grin and say, "Sue, get your a** over here." You get the picture. Jokes aside, it doesn't take a three-letter word that rhymes with grass for Mac to make us laugh. He's the farm clown, stepping into my big Paint, Drummer's, shoes while D-man is at camp in California. (See, "The Right Thing," This Horse Life, August '07.) "EVERYBODY LIKES ME!"

This is our first experience with a donkey, though friends who own them have raved. Who knew a vertically challenged creature with comically long ears could be so much fun? Mac is smart (a smart a**!…sorry, couldn't resist). He's affectionate--he LOVES attention. And he's been the perfect companion for Charmin.

Our newest equine resident, Bobo, wasn't immediately sold on Mac's charms. The Divine Ms. B, a show-ring diva fresh from a top hunter barn, tried to act cool when she first spotted him and his ears. But she wouldn't go near him. Nope. She tried to keep several acres distance between the two of them at all times. Mac, being, well, a stubborn a**, wouldn't take no for an answer.

I could almost hear him asking, in the donkey voice that comedian Eddie Murphy made classic in the "Shrek" movies, "Why don't you like me? Everybody likes me!" He'd purposefully graze in her general direction. She'd step away, eyeing him cautiously. This went on for almost a week, with Mac edging ever closer to the big gray mare, until I finally looked out and saw the two of them grazing nose to nose. I'd swear Mac was smiling. THAT'S MY A**

Bobo has since adopted Mac as her funny-eared foal. She chases the neighbor horses away when they try to sniff him through the fence. She gets frantic when he's out of sight (I think he sometimes hides just to see her reaction). And she plays with him, much to our entertainment.

They are adorable, the 16.3-hand mare and her knee-high "offspring." Mac tucks tail and runs like a cartoon character, his little legs a blur as he leads Bobo on a merry game of chase. Even 26-year-old Charmin gets into the act.

Yup, I can pretty much guarantee this donkey won't be our last. Hmmmm, maybe we'll name the next one Jack? Just kidding. I think.

The philosophy of jokes

A complete history of the joke and its philosophical motivations will perhaps never be written, as Holt admits that "the joke is not an unchanging Platonic Ideal, but a historical form that evolves over time." Holt, a contributor to the New Yorker, tries anyway, tracking the joke's evolution from the oldest surviving joke book, the surprisingly blue Greek text Philogelos, to Freud and Kant in explaining how and why we laugh at jokes. The book's second half occasionally lapses into dryness; even Holt suggests that the more interesting a subject is, the more boring the accompanying philosophy. In examining two overlooked aspects of a common joke, Holt presents some illuminating thoughts--jokes evolve more than they are created; they are an ideal way to expel pent-up aggression--and fascinating fringe figures such as Gershon Legman, the controversial and pioneering dirty-joke archivist who saw himself as "the keeper of the deepest subcellar in the burning Alexandria Library of the age; the subcellar of our secret desires, which no one else was raising so much as a finger to preserve." Highly readable, Holt's effort will appeal to the intellectually curious, and the jokes are pretty funny.

Confessions of a Fiftysomething

Although this title purports to be about aging, it contains witty pieces on a number of other subjects. Rudner's (Naked Beneath My Clothes) trademark delivery in her role as stand-up comedian translates well into print; she genially targets herself in such chapters as "Superficial Nightmares of the Overprivileged Woman." Though the book is sure to invite comparisons to Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck, there are differences. Ephron is a proud New Yorker, for instance, while Rudner moved to Las Vegas to headline her own show; Ephron's title contains essays, while Rudner's offers short, snappy vignettes and one-liners. This is not to say that Rudner's book is superficial; on the contrary, it has moments of surprisingly sentimental (though not maudlin) candor. This June, PBS will be broadcasting Rudner's 2000th Las Vegas show-the network's first-ever airing of a stand-up comedy special. This book comes out just in time to be snapped up by both old and new fans, making it an excellent choice for public collections.

Jokes i've heard from my friends

Maddy: No.

Max: Do you believe in mind reading?
Laura Moeller

Mother Mouse was taking her children for a stroll. Suddenly a large cat appeared in their path. Mother Mouse shouted, "Bow-wow-wow!" and the cat scurried away.

"You see, my children," Mother Mouse said, "it pays to learn a second language."
Rosa Hernandez

Kate: Did you like the story about the dog that ran two miles just to pick up a stick?

Nate: No, I thought it was a little far-fetched.
Sarah Streit

Mom: What happens if you're trying to drum but you don't know how?

Ian: Beats me!
Ian Sutcliffe

"Knock, knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Boomerang."

"Boomerang who?"

"Boomerang the doorbell. Guess we should let him in!"

Lectures and knock knock theme

KNOCK knock. Who's there? An incredibly boring lecturer. But not for much longer, reports Times Higher Education (May 29). Lecturers are learning to be more like stand-up comedians in a series of seminars. Tips include being visible, voicing your students' thoughts ("I know you'd rather be watching daytime TV") and doing less preparation.

Relying on humour isn't recommended. "The older you get, the more detached you get from younger people's humour. It's pitiful watching an older person trying to be funny with younger people," says Kevin McCarron, the course leader.

THE cites comedians such as Dave Gorman as good role models for academics. Russell Brand less so, unless you want to put the lech into lecturing.